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Gymnastics. Piano. Football. French lessons. Ballet classes. Soccer practice. The pressure on parents and kids is rising. Pressure to do and be everything they can to guarantee they will have success in life.

 

Recently my sister and I were remembering how Mom and Dad never did a lot in the way of “extra” activities for us. As I recall, there wasn’t much, if any, discussion about taking music lessons, playing sports, or ballet classes. We could ask to enroll in a special activity (and I did ask), but we understood that one activity at a time was enough. Asking to do more was not an option.

 

Our schedules, besides chores, school, and Sunday church, were not crammed with that many extras. Summertime was free time. Boredom was a prelude to coming up with some crazy, fun adventures on our own. Looking back, I think we were given fewer choices because there were five kids and frankly, my parents were frugal. Even without the extra-price-tag activities, my siblings and I arrived at fairly happy, fulfilled, somewhat successful lives. For a season, I took horseback riding lessons. I was on a swim team. But mostly, we were free to have sleepovers with friends, play Marco Polo in the pool, dress our dolls, run around the neighborhood, climb trees, and ride bikes up and down the big hills.

 

As I look at families in our neighborhood, I find myself feeling sorry for the kids. Many of them don’t have time with their moms and dads at home, playing in the park, or free time to just be. They have so much on their plates, every day shuttled here and there with scheduled activities and extra commitments. Don’t get me wrong. If you can afford it, I’m all about helping a child pursue a structured activity and learn more from coaches, professionals, and instructors about what interests them. But I have to wonder if what’s being sacrificed in the long run will be worth the payoff.

 

We live in a culture that says affluence is everything. Families are stretched to the max as parents get caught in the subtle danger of living vicariously through their kids. It’s natural for parents to want their kids to have what they didn’t have, and achieve what they weren’t able to achieve. But is all this activity really a means to a better life? I suppose it comes down to your definition of better.

 

Think about it. Many households today have more discretionary income than any other generation in history. Many people view private lessons, eating out more than eating in, housekeepers, gardeners, etc., as ordinary essentials. Middle class families of 30 years ago would never have had such expectations. A generation ago, this was unheard of.

 

What leads us to overspend and overschedule our kids? Middle school kids aren’t the only ones tempted to cave in to peer pressure. Moms can give in to social pressure and spend a fortune to keep up with other moms! I overheard one mom asking her friend’s five-year old, “So what are you doing this summer?”

 

I get it—perhaps she was just making polite conversation. But I could sense the pressure the five-year old’s mom felt. Pressure to have some special activity worthy of an Instagram post. I secretly hoped the young mother would feel it was OK to say, “Well, Johnny is building something in the backyard out of sticks and leaves, and he’s been collecting snails in a bucket. Oh, and he may just work on perfecting his cartwheel.”

 

Social pressure can easily produce feelings of guilt if we can’t provide piano lessons or hire a private coach for little Johnny. If you feel burdened by your children’s commitments and schedule, maybe it’s time to hear this as a gentle, burden-lifting, guilt-freeing reminder.

 

A child doesn’t need structured activities in order to learn teamwork.

A child doesn’t need to discover their “gift” by age six.

A child certainly doesn’t need coaches or blue ribbons to know they are special, unique human beings. If you can afford to provide lessons and classes that your children will love and enjoy, fantastic! But multiple activities and commitments can’t replace the most important things kids need.

 

What they do need is time with you—times that won’t fall neatly in between our hectic schedules. They need regular opportunities to be taught the value of contentment, hard work, devotion to God’s Word, a job well done, honesty, compassion, selflessness, etc.

 

One of the most specific passages in Scripture on parenting spells out how this should look. “You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise . . . to love the Lord your God, walk in all His ways and hold fast to Him” (Deuteronomy 11:19, 22 ESV).

 

I heard an interesting fact the other day. By early adolescence, children have, by and large, their moral compass set…by age 11. This emphasizes the importance of getting as much time with them as we can in these few short years.

Ask yourself what your long-range goal for your kids is. What is the endgame?

I pray that you will want to make home the primary place where your children discover their true value, that family will be the most precious relationship they know, and that home will be a safe place they always want to return to.