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There was a poll taken recently where the question was asked: "What is the single, most important expectation you have in a wife?" Thousands of men responded to this poll and some of the answers were:

• A woman who will put family first; create a home/sanctuary for the family
• To be understanding and committed
• Friend and lover first . . . mother second
• Trust and faith in me (decisions, actions, respecting who I am, not trying to change me into something she’d like better.)
• That she makes me her knight in shining armor; she admires me as a husband and a man; she is my support/cheerleader;
• Makes sexual intimacy/love a priority.

As an aside, if you think that just because your husband is a Christian or "a good man" you get to call the shots on intimacy and he just has to deal with your moods, you are setting yourself up for heartbreak. There are plenty of women out there who would love to have your husband, and Satan would love to destroy your marriage.

Respect the marriage bed. It may be the only glue that holds your marriage together when the tough times come.

When a wife flatly says that her husband will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, that is not wise and I don’t see the virtuous woman demanding that. She respects him because God told her to and because men so desperately need it.

I think about Sarah and Abraham. She did not have a real easy life with this man of God. And yet, we read in 1 Peter 3: 6 that she called him "lord." That’s respect. In The Message, it is translated "my dear husband."

She had to make a decision when he told her to lie and say she was his sister. She obeyed and ended up in the harem. This happened twice, and I bet she wasn’t happy. But in both of those instances, God intervened.

So many times, I have seen women who go along with their husband’s decision, even when they didn’t think it was the right thing to do. But out of respect, they obeyed. I have seen God intervene and turn it around for good.

There is always a blessing in obedience when you honor your husband, because you honor God by doing so.

Hebrews 11:11 says that Sarah "judged Him faithful who had promised." I don’t know the outcome, Lord, but I will trust you because you are faithful.

Verse 13 says, "She seeks wool and flax, and willingly works with her hands (or, at the pleasure of her hands)." All of the talent and abilities she possesses, she pours into her home—nothing but the best.

Stay creative, like she is described in verse 14: "She is like the merchant ships; she brings her food from afar."

When the merchant ships would come into port, it was so exciting for the people. They couldn’t wait to see what exotic things would come off the ship. No one saw the battles and storms that ship had to endure to make it to port; they only reaped the benefits of what came off the ship.

Stay creative, girls. I know when the babies are little, it is all you can do, but find hobbies as your time allows. Many a hobby that women loved to do turned into money-making businesses. Just look at Mrs. Fields Cookies, Auntie Anne’s pretzels, and Paula Deen cooking. They turned their passion into something that would bless their families, not pull them away; pursuing their own interest, but in the interest of the family.

The Proverbs 31 woman was able to sell her goods to others and make wise investments with her earnings. According to verse 16, she was able to buy some property.

How does she do all this? In verse 17 it says; "She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms."

The only way she can do this is to give her husband and family the gift of prayer. Only then can she be strong by spending time with the Lord daily.

This is a gift to her family to pray for them—for herself to be the woman that her husband safely trusts in, and that she will have God’s perspective and ask Him to help her to love and deeply respect her husband.

Spending time with the Lord changes everything. We get His perspective, and oh how we need we need that when we get so bombarded with the world’s opinions.

When I was first married, I learned very quickly that the only way I was going to make it was by clinging to the Lord and taking every word from the Bible as the very words of God for me.

I married my high school sweetheart and we were so much in love. He prayed the sinner’s prayer with me and we got married two months later. Yet I remember crying on my honeymoon and praying and telling the Lord I had made a big mistake.

My husband was an alcoholic who progressed into drug abuse. I know what it’s like to cry every night, feeling so abandoned, betrayed, and disillusioned. I know what it’s like to fear for your life.

But in those years, I clung to the Lord with a death grip. I got into a Bible study and the Lord placed women around me who taught me to pray. We would pray three times a day for the deliverance of my husband. I would pray Scripture over my husband.

One particular night, I remember Greg came home late from work. He passed out on the couch and I was relieved he had made it home, but then the Lord stirred my heart to get up and pray for him.

Oh the battle that went on in my heart at that time. I did not want to get up and pray for him. Our marriage had so deteriorated by that time that I remember telling the Lord I didn’t want to pray for him. I told Him that Greg deserved to rot in hell after all he had done.

But the Lord spoke to my heart: "Maybe this is the time. Maybe this is the prayer." So I got out of bed and laid my hands on him and prayed. He may not know what happened that night, but that prayer did something for me.

It cost me my rights and my pride. And it caused me to trust God and obey. Today, I am reaping the rewards of those prayers.

Verse 17 says, "She girds herself with strength, and strengthens her arms." That’s what I did. I girded myself with strength, and strengthened my arms by prayer and obedience.

In Daniel 10:19, it says; "And he said, ‘O man greatly beloved, fear not! Peace be to you; be strong, yes be strong!’ So when he spoke to me I was strengthened, and said, ‘Let my Lord speak, for you have strengthened me.’"

I absolutely would not have made it—running a house full of kids with a broken heart—without time with the Lord, His Word, and His strength. I fell in love with Jesus and I prayed for my husband constantly. That was my gift.

Long story short, he went into rehab. After 10 long years of craziness, he was walking into the hospital when he turned to me and said, "I will do anything to save my marriage and family." It was truly a miracle that really shouldn’t have happened that way.

Oh girls, instead of complaining about your husbands, pray for them. Pray for his work, his finances, his mind, his purpose, his walk with the Lord, his love for the word, how he treats you, his fears. The more you pray for him, the more you will see it from God’s perspective and love him more.

When you spend time with the Lord, praying and applying God’s Word to your life, the natural byproduct is wisdom. Verse 26 says, "She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness." She can only do this by spending time with the Lord.