picky picky picky: the quest for perfection
Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. Psalm 34:8 (NIV)
Picky, picky, picky…yep, that’s me! I have what some may say is an internal “flaw-finding-meter.” Now, I know you’re probably thinking—what in the world is that? Well, it basically just means I have this little radar inside of me that focuses on all the flaws, faults, and shortcomings—in me, in others, and all around me.
Sometimes, it turns on in restaurants, when I try a new dish and consider it to be totally less appetizing than the waitress presented it to be. Or maybe, it’s while I’m reading a book, that in my opinion could have absolutely ended with a better bang. It even pours out to my friends and family, what I think they should or shouldn’t have done during a certain situation. Goodness, even while I’m writing this I’m picking out the flaws! The radar shouts, “This won’t be good enough. You aren’t qualified to do this. You aren’t close to being finished—just save it as a draft and never publish it.” I think this is why writing a book just seems so far out of the question, because if I don’t even like my own stuff, how will anyone else?
If all of this doesn’t show my humanity, I might as well open up and tell you about how insanely hard it is for me to make decisions. I try on a thousand dresses in the fitting room, search the web for months to find just the perfect piece of furniture, and my goodness, don’t even try to ask me what I want for my birthday! Too many questions, too many choices…someone pick for me!
I often say to a salesperson who has helped me, “Can I have your card please? And would you write down all of the info on this item I’m interested in, and let me get back to you a little later?” This floods over to every area of my life. While ordering at a restaurant, it’s even worse. “Can you add extra jalapeños, and be sure the temperature on the meat is just so? I want it pink…but definitely not red. Say…medium rare, please?”
Dear Lord, I can just drive myself crazy with my own pickiness! If I wasn’t me, I would hate being around myself.
This all can drive Greg absolutely crazy at times, too. If I know he’s going to purchase a birthday, anniversary, or Christmas gift, I make sure to whisper, “Please don’t buy anything that doesn’t come with a warranty or full refund.” I know, that sounds pretty crazy…but it’s true. It’s what I do.
Who do I think I am? Sizing up everything in the universe, like I’m some kind of cosmic critic.
I would like to think that I am just discerning, but in reality, I am just entirely too picky. Maybe I am not the only one out there who can relate? This is why divorce is high, why people church-hop, and why some are having a mid-life crisis…and they are only in their twenties!
The children of Israel had this condition in the wilderness. They looked at the manna God had provided and they said, “it’s not good enough. We are tired of this worthless bread. In Egypt, we could have melons, leeks, fish and lemons!” Never mind the fact that they were slaves…somehow, they managed to block that out of their minds. The food may have been free, but did they forget they were in chains? They couldn’t appreciate their freedom and provision in the wilderness.
For some people out there, happiness is always “out there, somewhere…anywhere but here.” This is huge problem. Just look at Adam and Eve in the Garden. Perfection, beauty, and everything they could ever desire. It wasn’t just good by our standards, it was very good by the highest standard in the universe—God’s standard. And yet, the serpent introduces the thought to Eve, “Are you really able to have and do anything you want?” She answered, “No, we can have/do anything, but we are not to eat of this particular tree.” And right then and there, they were not satisfied with what God had made for them to enjoy and eat.
What is the Bible telling us in this story? It is an ever timely message reminding us this—if we were to be put in the most perfect situation imaginable, and we still had this sinful nature, we would find something wrong with it. Yep, that’s where the flaw-finding-meter would kick into high gear! When you allow this meter to run your heart, you can never sit down and enjoy what’s in front of you. You can never sit back and just receive what you have. The thought of, “more, better, more” will constantly run through your mind.
To one degree or another, we’re all suffering from this dilemma. Just look around you. You go to the store and buy the new “it” item, only to realize in a few weeks that it’s on clearance now, and the new item of the month is on display right in front of you. Instantly, you feel less-than…behind on the trends. You need that item to keep up, to have worth. That’s the symptom. So, what’s the root of the problem then?
Maybe it is not who or what is not good enough. Maybe it isn’t that thing, or situation, or person; maybe it is just in us! Maybe the root of it all is this: we don’t trust God to fulfill us, to be as good as He truly is.
We get a prime example of this when we look at the children of Israel. They only saw the manna. And while looking at it, they said, “Our souls have dried up.” Why? Because they saw nothing but the manna.
But now our soul is dried away: there is nothing at all, beside this manna, before our eyes (Numbers 11:6 KJV).
This is what they were really saying: “It is not enough.”
We have nothing but what God has given us, and we’re drying up. If we take only what God has given us, we’re never going to be satisfied. If we rely only on what God has done, if we rely wholly on Him alone, we are going to die.”
They were wrong. In spite of what they thought, the manna was enough.
Sometimes, in our limited vision, we look at something God has given and don’t think it is enough. Let me tell you this: it is always enough. If all you have is God, you have all you need.
He feeds us too. Just as they had every nutrient they needed, all the vitamins they needed, it’s true for us. It was temporary food for a time in the wilderness, the Promised Land flowing with milk and honey, vineyards and trees, was just a few miles away.
Let’s remember what God did for them.
And thou shalt remember all the way which the LORD thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart, whether thou wouldest keep His commandments, or no. And He humbled thee, and suffered thee to hunger, and fed thee with manna, which thou knewest not, neither did thy fathers know; that He might make thee know that man doth not live by bread only, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of the LORD doth man live. Thy raiment waxed not old upon thee, neither did thy foot swell, these forty years (Deuteronomy 8:2–4 KJV).
“All I have needed, Thy hand hath provided … great is Thy faithfulness!”
We are His children, and we can trust our heavenly Father wholeheartedly to give us our daily bread—everything we need to live, all that will make our souls thrive and grow. So, the next time you look at your life and think, “it’s just not enough”—not enough beauty here, not enough love there, just remember Jesus. He is the Bread of Life, and He is perfect in all of His ways. Stop focusing on the manna and think of the miracle of what He provided for you. Stop complaining and start trusting.
God’s plan always comes with God’s provision.
You just have to ask yourself, “Is God alone enough for me?” If the answer is “yes,” then let me assure you—you’ll never lack a single thing you need, because you will find He was—and is—always enough for you.
27 comments
Cynthia Christian | August 9, 2018
Thank you for sharing this, so many times we are picky and not content without seeing it. I see it in others to easily but then there’s the log in my eye. I appreciate your perspective and vulnerability.
Anita Burnett | August 17, 2018
Thank you for your writings. They are an inspiration and a reminder God is always enough and is always with us. We are so blessed to know that He loves us.
Cathy | August 18, 2018
Thank you Cathe! Your honesty transparency and pointing back to our true identity! I can be so like this... to my grown children, myself, and I am divorced????I always appreciate your willingness to share and the beautiful role model you are! God is using you beloved! So by all means.. publish the book!!!!
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Julia Woolsey | August 20, 2018
God has revealed to me the He Is the Prize! Not what he has promised or all that He can do that is beyond our thoughts but God alone is enough. When you ask and seek to make Him be enough you truly will be satisfied. For His character and being is infinitely perfect and when you know He has the BEST to give you, the choices you make, because we have to make them, are easy and satisfying! They are not eternal but He is!
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Donna Walton | August 23, 2018
Thanks so much for opening your heart and sharing. I see this in so many people especially my daughter's generation. I think did we create this. Of course it's been here since the beginning of time as you so wisely have pointed out. God Bless you and I could read your writings forever. You have been gifted don't let Satan trick you into thinking otherwise.
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Tara | August 17, 2018
Thank you for this teaching. It's a reminder to me of the wonderful & matchless grace of our GOD, & that He's always there with us, no matter what trials & tribulations we're feeling with. These words are reassuring to me, a person who suffers from chronic pains. Thank you again.
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Steph | August 18, 2018
Thanks Cathe, I always enjoy your devos. What you said nailed me.....now revealed I can nail it to the cross. God bless you !
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Caitlin | August 9, 2018
Amen. Such an amazing reminder today.
He is enough. I need to remind my heart of that when people and things compete for my attention. I need to put all my devotion, attention, and focus on Him because He alone satisfies the deep cracks in my soul. Only Him.
Linda Perry Hayes | August 17, 2018
So me!! Excellent! I always throughly enjoy getting your emails! When is your book release, can I preorder?
Thank you for being so human!! I am a Pastor’s wife and have my ministers license as well, it is all to often perceived that we are anything but human!
Lord only knows we all have our own trails, tribulations and faults!
Again thank you for being real!!
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Linda Contreras | August 17, 2018
I have struggled with this most of my life and remind myself daily to let the Lord lead me out of this valley that I keep wandering into. Thanks for being you and addressing these issues in such a wonderful and understandable way ❤️
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Helen | August 17, 2018
Thanks for sharing. ..appreciate you!! :)
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VALERIE KLIMASZEWSKI | August 17, 2018
Maybe, the "underside" of this "pickyness,"....just may be ..."a critical spirit." We need to ask the Lord for discernment, in our blind spots.
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Melissa | August 17, 2018
I have been picky to the point of being critical, and it has affected every relationship in my life. It made me negative and unpleasant! And it is so heavily loaded with judgment and selfishness. I am so thankful for the Lord's conviction, patience, and longsuffering while I work on these areas on my life.
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Lori | August 17, 2018
Thank you for this reaching the places in my heart that need to be cleaned up. I know that God is all sufficient and what He wants me to have is enough. God help me today to be mindful and present over perfect. Clean me up of my flaws and fault finding ways and prepare me for your glory and our wedding sweet Jesus. Amen
Lea | August 17, 2018
Thank you
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Nancy Morrow | August 17, 2018
Amen. I see myself in so much of what you've said. I'm relieved to know I'm not alone in this struggle. I can add one more, after I prepare a meal I will tell my family what I could do next time to make it even better...more perfect. I'm even picky about my own cooking. I'm always tweaking things to do better, be better. That adds a lot of unneeded pressure and stress. I have to remind myself to keep the eyes of my heart on the Lord, remember how God sees me and focus my attention on Him and His holiness, ask for guidance from the Holy Spirit he gave us, live to produce spiritual fruit in my life, move forward in living righteously before Him, storing up treasures in heaven that moths cannot destroy and live out my purpose, to be poured out for the sake of the Glory of God. Everything is His, even me! I'm thankful that the Lord knows we're all in a process and my need for Him will never die.
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Sharon | August 17, 2018
Thank you for this message. Sometimes we need an outsider to open our eyes to a personal shortcoming. I now have a way to express to my prayer partner what my need is for today. Being picky never occurred to me to be something "unacceptable." Praise God for your message!
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Carmen Ortiz | August 17, 2018
Thank you for sharing. This was very inspiring. I tend to be very picky almost in everything. It even bothers me at times how picky I am.
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Patty Mason | August 17, 2018
Being picky isn't always a bad thing. In my case I have been single for 23 years & 9 months & though not for lack of offers I have not yet remarried. I'm open to it but I am very picky by now as to who to even consider dating. God has seen me through so many mistakes in relationships all because I wasn't picky enough! I wasn't paying attention! I was taking my free will & making a mess of things. Nowadays my prayers go something like this- "I don't free will God, I want your will to be done - take the wheel from my hands- guide me to where/who I am to be with to share this next chapter of my life" Your article jumped right out at me upon seeing the word picky - because in my current situation & lifestyle - picky could make the difference between finding a happy relationship w/a good Christian man vs disaster w/someone that places no importance on the need to be equally yolked. It's taken me a long time to get here but I now know that IF God wants me to be remarried again it will happen in his time & not a moment sooner - and I'm ok with that now. ~Patty Mason~ Costa Mesa CA
Patti | August 17, 2018
From one “Picky Patti to another, Picky Patty Mason, (Costa Mesa CA) keep on keeping on. Know in your heart, God will pick your man and Thank Him in advance for him or a single life, which He can & will bless both.
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Donna Mingerink | August 17, 2018
Thank you Cathe, for always being transparent and genuine. You have a sweet, honest persona that is so refreshing! Thanks for giving us this message and for not being afraid to admit your own frailties. You are and always have been an inspiration to women everywhere!
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Kamilah | August 17, 2018
Oh wow !
As I am reading, my eyes popped open wide and I wonder if someone told you about me and have you sent me that email personally. I wish I wasn't like that.
I like things a particular way and it seems like I become a bother at times, but I hate to settle for less even in a relationship.
I have been told I'm way too picky and I don't know how to think or relate to the symptoms???
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Colleen | August 17, 2018
Cathe, you have described exactly what is happening in our culture today. And, I am guilty of not trusting God when I should too often. May He help us learn to trust Him more! He will never ever fail to be our provider and source of peace and love. PS You should write that book!
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connie harrison | August 17, 2018
Thank you Cathe for such amazing truth of only God can be enough for our daily satisfaction....nothing in this earth can bring what God has already done, and that’s our Salvation in His Son Jesus Christ....
I love your vulnerability and honesty in your pickiness, I believe we all can say we’ve been picky about certain things and even people, but we do know our Heavenly Father will tap us on our hearts to get our attention so we can enjoy what He has given us and be content in it. I love your creativity in your writing, so beautifully well said????????????
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Rosemarie Franco | August 17, 2018
Thank You for sharing. This encouraged me because I too am a perfectionist and struggle with it daily. It causes fear and anxiety in my life. Projects and Decision making are so difficult. To many choices overwhelm and things are never right with me and in my life. Decision making is also difficult. God is teaching me to lean & trust in Him more and more and that with God all things are possible. He is teaching me to turn my fears into Faith. Thank You Cathe.
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Debbie Zamora | August 17, 2018
Hi Cathe,
It's good to hear from you. Thank you so much for the reminder. God is good and only has the best for us. God is all knowing, God is all present and God is all powerful.Have a good and safe weekend.
Thank you!
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Sandra firman | August 17, 2018
Yes I hop around churches because of my own in securities, always feel alone etc. thank you for saying we just need to have a stronger closer relationship with our almighty God Jesus Christ. Thanks and God bless
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Terri Jo | August 17, 2018
Amen, I can relate. The Lord is teaching me to be content in what He gives me and to stop striving for anything that is not from Him!
Cathy | August 18, 2018
Amen and amen!
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Susie | August 17, 2018
This is “spot on”, Cathe! Thank you!!
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Joan | August 17, 2018
I had to laugh when I read your article in how much I saw myself. I tend to be a perfectionist and very hard on the many ways I fall short. But the Lord reminds me that He doesn't judge me by the same measure I judge myself. He knows that I'm a sinner, that I'm flawed and lacking in so many ways. I'm glad that He isn't constantly pointing to how I fail to reach excellence. Thank you, Lord, that your love is perfect and your mercies are new every morning.
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Karen | August 18, 2018
Thank you for writing this. This was one of the most genuine blogs I've read in a long time, and it came at the perfect time in my life. God bless you.
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Chrystal | August 18, 2018
Thank you Cathie. We all struggle with this sin nature, don’t we? I believe God calls this discontent and grumbling and complaining; just like the example that was left to us in the Israelites and their wandering. And then we wonder why we are wandering in the wilderness too still. As Paul stated Romans 7:14-25 “The trouble is with me, I am all too human. ...I want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead I do what I hate... Sin still lives in me...I want to do what is right but I can’t...and I know nothing good lives in me...I love God and His law...but there is another power at war in me. Thank God the answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord...”
Jesus offers rivers of living water...as you said, we have all we need in Him. Praise God for this saving grace. I will stumble in this area but He is greater and refreshes and fills to overflowing. I thank Him that He is so faithful to complete the work He has begun in me; in us!
Sign me “Sincerely a work in progress” Thank You Jesus for the sanctifying You are doing and may we forever move closer to You and glorify You with these lives, Amen!
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Kim Blanchard | August 18, 2018
Amen! I struggle with being picky as well...however, I have always said I just know what I want, haha!!
Thank you Holy Spirit for calling me out! Surrender the flesh...it wants control. Live in the spirit, and I know I will be a lot more content. Thank you for the spiritual reminder and transparency. Blessings Cathe.
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Leila Williams | August 19, 2018
I have felt that I am not now, or never will be enough for me. I know I will always fall short of God's glorious standard. But, I am learning to trust and believe in the love of God, that wakes me each morning and gives me the opportunity to praise and worship Him that day. And, I will take that as a start, for that indeed is just enough.
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Beth Williams | August 19, 2018
Cathe,
I'm a lot like you. Making decisions are hard. I usually let others decide for me. I'm a bit of a rebel also. Don't always need the latest greatest invention. As I age I find I can be content with what God has given me. He has already given me sooo much! When I compare myself with others I realize how blessed I am. Yet I often find myself wanting or being someone else. We must realize that God & God alone is enough. He is all we really need. He will & has given us everything we need-not just want!
Blessings :)
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Merryan | August 20, 2018
Just what I needed! Thank you Lord for using Cathe as Your mouthpiece this morning.
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