10 things I learned in the house of mourning
Over the years, I have attended quite a few memorial services. It has been eleven years since my own son Christopher’s service. I have mourned the loss of my mother, and then my father. One of my closest friends lost her husband suddenly last year. Only months later, we tragically lost one of our pastors by suicide. Needless to say, these losses have deeply affected me.
It is predictable that the more we age, the more we will experience the ultimate loss of loved ones. Those no longer with us are never forgotten. I need only think back to the day of my son’s death and my priorities and trials are brought back into sharp focus.
I have learned more from attending one memorial service than I’ve learned at a thousand parties.
Scripture teaches that, “It is better to go to a house of mourning than to go to a house of feasting” (Ecclesiastes 7:2). In the house of feasting, we’re too distracted with having a good time to consider how our lives will matter in the end.
I want to be wise and reflect on who I am. Who will tell my story? Will it be a good one? Will my life matter? I’m so grateful for lives that began, continued, and ultimately finished in beauty and honor.
Death has much to teach us. It is a sermon. I want to listen and learn.
Recently, I went to “a house of mourning” and after leaving, I couldn’t stop thinking about what I had seen and heard. It affected me deeply, caused me to reflect honestly about my own legacy.
Brenda was a wife, a mother, a devout Christian, and a servant. These are things I already knew and respected about Brenda, but there were beautiful details of how she lived and loved and served Jesus even outside the big doors of our church. In every part of life, she successfully left an indelible impact on her children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, friends and co-workers.
I would like to share what I’ve learned.
- A great legacy is made of more than a few big moments. It’s in thousands of “in-between” moments, where small decisions and choices are made, that will tell the final story.
- The value of what we leave behind is in the people we have loved, lived with, and raised. When the story is told it will continue to speak loudly, motivating and convicting to those who are blessed to hear.
- I saw in Brenda’s life, that love is costly. It is sacrifice. It is painful at times. But for love’s sake it never gives up.
- The core values of our life must start with a deep love and commitment to follow Christ sacrificially. It begins there, and that central issue must be kept and maintained above ALL competing priorities.
- Those who stand on stages or have a microphone don’t necessarily have the greatest impact. It is often the quiet discipline of a godly life, lived well, that makes a lasting impression.
- Knowing the Word of God is essential. This is the central guiding, guarding, stabilizing force behind a blessed life.
- Strength of character is not demonstrated in the volume of our voice, but in the influence of a meek and quiet spirit that is unwilling to compromise what is right for what is expedient.
- We teach best when we teach, not merely with words but with our example. How important it is to live a balanced, well-rounded life! It is represented by all we are and all we do.
- Prayer is powerful. It changes others and it changes us.
- Love is stronger than death. It endures forever, even when death separates.
Every funeral is different and yet the same. A service may be organized in a variety of ways with music and memories and a message, but all funerals share one fact in common: the person that everyone is present for is gone. Their life has been lived and there is no coming back.
For us, the living, there is time to reflect and take these lessons to heart. When the time comes, others will plan our memorial but we are weaving the fabric for that now. What legacy will we leave?
So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. – Psalm 90:12
36 comments
Sandy | September 23, 2020
Beautifully stated.
Patsy Housewright | October 15, 2020
Profound Cathe! Thank you for putting into words what is in my heart! I will keep this to refer to often and share! Bless you and Greg for your faithfulness to the Lord! I changed my computer Log on to pray4lauries when Christopher died so I will remember to pray for you and Greg and your family! Still praying! God Bless you! 💕
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Ashley | September 23, 2020
❤️
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Georgia Sergent | September 24, 2020
I began listening to Greg when I learned of your sons death. I related because I too, lost my son. Although I experienced the loss of my sisters, young parents, two husbands, I was in no way prepared for the loss of DJ. I’m getting older and have went to even more funerals and viewings. This message spoke to my heart. What will people say when I no longer am here? What am I doing now to prepare my message for when I’m gone?
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Michele | September 24, 2020
That was fabulous...as I sat in my devotions this morning-reading the word of God-I felt a nudging to read one of my daily devotionals in my inbox. Yours came immediately after I opened my ‘mailbox’ ...perfect words to remember how to live out our faith and remember how short life story is. (As I age I find that more at the forefront :) of my mind lol)Let’s do it well ❤️Thank you
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Lisa | September 24, 2020
Excellent piece ! I love it!
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Pammy Jean | September 24, 2020
That was beautiful and I thank you so much for sharing. I lost my son seven years ago to alcohol at 45 years old, so I too know the pain of loosing a child, and I am so sorry for your loss. My love for Jesus throughout my life has given me the strength to handle the biggest loss in my life, for I know he is at peace now, no more pain and the best part for me is, I will see him again one day. I love watching you and your husband, you both fill my heart the way you present the gospel, it comes from your heart to mine. You are very close friends to my brother and his wife, Paul and Diane Saber, and what a surprise it was to me the day I told my brother about this great pastor I found on line, just love him and his family, he laughed and said, I know, we are great friends, who would believe, how awesome. Thank you again for all you do, and have a blessed day my sweet sister.
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Janel | September 24, 2020
Thanks Cathe for sharing this today. I lost my dad earlier this month and his memorial services were yesterday. Your thoughts are just what I needed to read today.
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Caroly | September 24, 2020
Thank you-that was beautiful
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Debbie Zamora | September 24, 2020
Good Morning, Cathe,
Its good to hear from you! Thank you so much for the beautiful bible verse 90:12. I lost my sister and brother in law in an car accident years ago.. my sister and I got a chance to talk before...I Thank God for that time..Thank you, Debbie. Hugs and I need one..Thank you. :0)..
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cheryl sarro | September 24, 2020
We lost my Mom in June . This email came at a most perfect time.
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elisab | September 24, 2020
wisdom
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Rosie | September 24, 2020
Hi Cathy,
I want to thank you for such beautiful words of affection. We too, have loss a child, only we didn’t have her as long as you had your son Christopher. She passed over 33 years ago. And not a day goes by without thinking of her. I thank God for lending and trusting us to raise her here on this earth. But, with her short life here on earth, she bought me and I gave my whole heart to the Lord. That’s when I totally began to understand the whole meaning of death, Which is external life.
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Carol Branstine | September 24, 2020
Just what I needed today. As I reflect on this past year dealing with a divorce, my mom's death, and getting Covid. I am thankful that I have Jesus to rely on. A few years ago I was questioning if Jesus was real. Even though this last couple years have been rough I know without a doubt he has been with me all the way. Thank you for these lovely words today. Blessings to you and your commitment to others.
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Julie | September 24, 2020
Thank you and our guide, the Holy Spirit, for this great message!!
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Jordan Northcote | September 24, 2020
Beautiful words Cathe! Brenda was grandma and it is true, she loved unconditionally no matter the circumstances. She ALWAYS pointed us towards Jesus, something I will never forget. We were so blessed to have had her and it is so encouraging we will be with her again!
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Andrea Bailey | September 24, 2020
Hi Cathe,
Thank you so much for this devotion. I love reflecting on this verse where we learn so much more at a funeral than at a party.
2020 has been a tough year for our world, but for me it means more. My husband was diagnosed with glioblastoma (stage 4 brain cancer), his mother died in March and then my mother passed away in August.
Oh what I have learned.
God Bless,
Andrea
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LAURA HAWES | September 24, 2020
Thank you Cathe for this post! I was raised up in the faith by Mike Mac at the old North Park theater. I have stuck like glue to the Lord ever since. I have a prodigal son sadly, has fought addiction off and on for years, so I must continually remind myself to stop "waiting for the ax to fall" when the police officer shows up to my door with the bad news. I have a picture of this same son being baptized by Glenn Hiroski, know he is saved. I remember when your son died, our entire congregation went to the "virtual service" for him. We have prayed for Brittany, and you, his Mom. ( and Greg) It is a wonder that we can get all the sermons etc on the internet! Wish Sandy would post more teaching, we miss her terribly! Blessing to you and your family from our abode in Montana. ...
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Toni | September 24, 2020
Thank you, Cathe. This was so beautifully written and so powerful and true. I love hearing your words of wisdom. Thank you for sharing your heart. Virtue has been such a blessing.
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Lori welch | September 24, 2020
After losing my love two months ago this was comforting informative and thought provoking
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Maggie | September 24, 2020
So touched by your beautiful words. I too experienced the death of my beautiful son Christopher 9 years ago.
Yes, many lessons to be learned through incredible heartache. Thank you for your ministry.
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Modestina Frascella | September 24, 2020
Beautifully said Cathe. Thank you for sharing the wisdom from your heart.
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Vanessa Thomson | September 24, 2020
Thank you for sharing this insightful blog, it truly has touched my heart and given me an insight into how many friends have maintained and grown their strength through the points that you raised.
God bless you 🙏🙏💕
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Sylvia | September 24, 2020
I recently lost my daddy, my uncle and cousin to Covid. Reading this really helped put things into perspective. As much as I believe & know I will see my loved ones again, the grieving process has really sucked. However I've come to accept that it is a part of life we all live & as Cathe said, the older we get the more we will experience it. I hang on to God's promises like never before & pray for those that have lost & aren't believers because for me personally, I'd be so lost without God. When I'm falling apart & broken, He is there picking me up & helping me mend the broken pieces.
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Maggie Venizelos | September 24, 2020
Cathe, we just lost our daughter Hanna at 30 years old. She loved Jesus and served him well. It’s not even been 2 months and I am still broken-hearted and grieving deeply. I trust Jesus and am comforted she is with our Lord. But this grieving thing is awful. Do you recommend any books on grieving?
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Meryl | September 25, 2020
Amazing. Always timely. In a busy world, God had to wipe our schedules clean. However, here we are again, school starting, (whatever that looks like), and general life picking up. Our world oftentimes does not include God’s plan and His direction for us. We too often forget about eternity because we are lost in ourselves.
but thank God for this reminder.
Thank you Cathe.
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Elizabeth Fry | September 25, 2020
Absolutely 🙏😞
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MICHELLE TAYLOR | September 25, 2020
Everything you said rings true Cathe. Loving the Lord with all our hearts soul and spirits and making the hard choice to love others more than ourselves so others can see Christs love for them brings glory to Him and peace to us. I lost my daughter 5 years ago and her death took me to a deeper level with Christ and understanding what's really important in life as you so aptly wrote. In His arms, michelle
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Brenda Kammerer | September 25, 2020
A timely message for me.... at 64, having recently buried both my parents; I have found myself thinking more and more about my own mortality and legacy. My priorities have become more focused on the expression of my Savior when I face Him. Will it be one of approval or one of disappointment? I know it will be loving either way, but I so want to see His approval. And I want my three sons, their wives, and my grandchildren to want that too. And so I pray. And I love. And I try to make small differences in the lives of those around me. I pray that it is enough. And yet... can what we do in the name of Jesus ever be enough?
‘Help me choose You, Lord, over the busyness surrounding me. Let me choose You. Amen’
My name is Brenda.
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Veronica | September 25, 2020
Dear Cathe,
This was so beautifully written and really resonated with me.
I recently lost my Mother and so appreciated what all her brothers and sisters and other family members had to share about her. A Mother has many roles and what I witnessed was her natural ways of service to others. She came from a large family, 16 brothers and sisters who were all raised as Christians who were taught that Prayer is Powerful.
I love #9 in your notes; "Prayer is powerful. It changes others and it changes us." I have witnessed that as being true over the years of observing many prayers being answered from a large extended family of prayer warriors.
Thank you for your blog of shared wisdom, recipes and articles. I love how you said we are weaving the fabric of our legacy, what legacy will we leave. It really made me think!
May you continue to be blessed.
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CynthiaHeyl | September 26, 2020
Thank you so much for letting the Lord speak through you to my heart! I always grow from the words He gives you!
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Xiomara Herrera | September 26, 2020
I Wish that I had someone in my life to teach me this years and years ago and done my life much wiser! Thank you for these golden nuggets.💖
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Tammy Tedder | September 26, 2020
Thank you for this Cathe- this is beautiful and timely. We lost our 32 yr old son in law to suicide, leaving our daughter with a two year and 10 week old daughters and a broken life. But Jesus has walked with us all individually and we are watching our daughter find beauty in the ashes through HIS love and faithfulness. There is much to learn - if we keep our hearts open to the Holy Spirit.
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Rhonda Dall | September 27, 2020
Thank you for this encouraging article. My goal would be to be at least half of what Brenda was to her family and friends! What a beautiful person Brenda was inside and out. I did not have the opportunity to meet Brenda but strive to be like her.This article really made me think about what kind of legacy would I be leaving. The little details in everything we do is so valuable even the little details. Proverbs 13:22: “A good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children.” (NKJV)
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Aprell Davie | September 27, 2020
Thank you for this article. Sometimes I feel like I haven’t done much for the Lord, except to try to live a Godly life. I pray my life testimony will touch someone else to reach out to the Lord. Bless you🙏❤️
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Barb | September 27, 2020
Dear Cathe,
Thank you for sharing what you have experienced and learned in the house of mourning. I have days that I can’t shake off the losses of certain loved ones. In the midst of that though I remember the special qualities in each of them, memories we made so small but so significant to me. I lean on God who makes it bearable and enables me to move forward despite the losses. And yes I too have learned so much through them than any party I’ve been to. I just want you to know Cathe you are light to me.
God bless you.
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Sandi | September 28, 2020
beautifully written ...perfect timing too my dad went home on the 26th feels like yesterday.
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