When the Bottom Drops Out
I have always wanted a daughter, not that I wasn’t delighted to have two beautiful boys! I was raised with three sisters.
So when my son Christopher asked Brittany to marry him, I had no idea what a blessing I was in for. I was excited to have a girl in the family.
What would it be like to have another woman at the table and, even more than that, in my kitchen? I would be the mother-in-law! Yikes! I wanted to shatter that stereotype.
I determined that if Brittany would let me, I would love her as my own and pour all I knew about being a Christian woman, a wife, and a mother into her life.
Honestly, I was a bit apprehensive, I had never stepped into these shoes before, and I wondered if they would be a comfortable fit. They would have to take me over territory I had never been before.
This was my son’s lovely young wife, a relatively new Christian, the future mother of my grandchildren! Dear Lord, I better do this right! What if . . . I don’t know . . . what if this didn’t click?
I have a great capacity for self-doubt and all these insecurities came rushing to the surface. Who do I think I am? I do not have it all together.
This was one challenge I could not and would not delegate. So I prayed, “Lord, I’m not a perfect example, nor do I have all the answers, but You do!”
So we began meeting for Bible study once a week. Like the lyrics of the song from The Sound of Music—“Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start . . . ”—we started at square one.
The foundation for our study was the Cornerstones section that Greg wrote for The New Believer’s Bible. We looked at questions like: “Who is God?”, “Who is Jesus?”, and “What is the Bible?” After we finished that, we tackled important disciplines that are necessary for a Christian woman to know—being a woman of the Word, a woman of prayer, a woman who loves and serves others.
Despite my initial insecurity, I watched Brit grow by leaps and bounds into a woman of strong faith. We read, studied, discussed, and prayed, continuing in the Scriptures and building on that solid foundation. It is that foundation that has stood the greatest test of our lives.
On July 24, 2008, we were studying the book of Philippians. The passage for that day was Philippians 3:10: “That I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His suffering . . . ”
We were about to learn that lesson like never before. Little did we know that morning, just as we were gathering to meet, a call would come that would rock our worlds forever. My son Christopher—Brittany’s husband, Stella’s daddy, and father of the unborn child Brittany was carrying—had been killed in a terrible car crash on his way to work.
When the bottom drops out and there is no way to fix it, you begin to see what your life is really made of. It seemed at that moment that everything was stripped away—everything except God and His promises.
My heart dissolved and broken, I watched like a mother when her brood is terrified. Brittany and her mother Sheryll were relatively new believers. How could this happen to us?
Our lives were the happiest they had ever been. The past year was the most blessed year of our lives, and the past month had been the best month of our lives. To have this happen was inconceivable, and in many ways it still is.
But it was not the end. One of the first Bible verses I memorized was 1 Corinthians 10:13. It tells us that God promises He would never give us more than we can bear. I know that, but that is a verse we often quote to others. Now, I must quote it to myself.
How precious is His Word, ladies, for in that hour of searing pain and grief, my mind was flooded with Scriptures. Verses I had committed to memory as a young girl. As friends who came to the house that afternoon have told me, out of my heart poured the promises of God’s Word.
I was, as Greg has said many times since that day, preaching to myself. I knew Christopher was alive and in the presence of the Lord, who wrapped His arms around us even then.
In the days, weeks, and months following, through my sleepless nights and days that seemed without end, I was comforted by friends. These were friends with names like Job, Mary, Naomi, Ruth, Joseph, Paul, Jeremiah, Habbakuk, and David . . . each one telling me of the faithfulness of our God. Everyone in Scripture who had suffered and triumphed told me their stories and I knew I wasn’t alone in suffering.
But the best of all Scriptural companions was and is our Savior Himself.
• I could see Him weeping at the tomb of Lazarus.
• I could see Him in Gethsemane, praying alone as He sweat blood and tears.
• I could hear His cry at Calvary, “My God, My God, Why?”
I knew that I had a Savior who suffered. I closed my eyes and opened my heart to gaze upon His loveliness and sacrifice for me. I stood at the foot of His cross and watched Him suffer, and I received His grace that is sufficient. His suffering, death, resurrection, and life gave me strength to not only survive but triumph.
When you take God at His Word, and hide it in your heart, you have a storehouse of strength. In my first moments of grief and shock there was no time to look up verses in the concordance.
No doctor, lawyer, or minister could fix this. I wanted to fix things for “Topher,” but I could not. I wanted to hold him in my arms and soothe him, kiss his face, and make it better like I did when he was small.
But I would never have that chance. I would never even see his face on this earth again. I was alone; not even Greg could touch this pain, nor could I touch his.
It was the Savior and me. Me and the Savior. And He had to be enough. And He was enough, more than enough. I have never been more convinced of what I believe, and why I believe it, than I am today.
Right now. Don’t waste time. Begin to read God’s Word, believe it, commit it to your memory, and live by it.
It may be the summertime of your life. You may not think it is the most important thing. But one day, the rain will fall as it does on everyone, and it will be very important indeed.
So my friend, like a squirrel who gathers up nuts for a long winter, store up the Word of God in your heart. It will see you through the coldest, longest winters until the day dawns bright and warm again.
14 comments
Lisa | August 3, 2009
Cathe, I am blessed by your transparency. Thank you for sharing your heart.
Always praying for you!
Love,
Lisa
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Linda | August 3, 2009
First I want to say thank you Cathe for this awesome website.
Sharing so personal your faith touches my heart. It gives me strength in my own walk with the Lord everyday.
Keeping you and your family in my prayers,
Linda
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patsy | August 4, 2009
Cathe, a word fitly spoken! Your wisdom and knowledge from the Lord is evident. I am blessed to receive from you what you have received from the Lord. "Apples of Gold!"
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Sabrina | August 4, 2009
I don't even have words for this. You write the best stuff! I been a believer for a very long time, but I am very weak and I'm not the most faithful to the Lord like I should be. I don't go to church, I don't read my bible, and I hardly pray. I don't do all of this and I know I should be. I have this very strong desire but it just won't click. I read your stories and I wish to myself "Wow I wish I could be so strong-hearted like you!" Your stories make me really think.
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Racquel | August 5, 2009
Hello Cathe
I recently watched the video clip of you and Greg announcing Virtue for women and just by hearing your words and the way you kindly and compassionately share them, I cannot help but say, "thank you". Your words make me want to become a stronger woman in Christ. They adhere to the love of Christ that he has for us individually; when you expressed the way you wanted to be there for Brittany when she first came into your life. God Bless You.
In unfathomable sympathy to your son's passing, I again have to mention that you have a rich expression in describing how the unmentionable pain was, that not even Greg could touch your pain...you are very blessed and obedient; you have stored His word in your heart and you are right, when the bottom drops out all we have is our faith. More directly, all we have is Jesus Christ, the Word and the storehouses of strength.
God bless you and may He continue to fill you with His wisdom and truth. Keep speaking the Living Truth!
I Love You Cathe XOXO,
Racquel Pantaleon
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Leigh | August 5, 2009
Dear Cathe,
You stand out to me, kind of like Billy Grahams wife. A woman of noble character, quiet, behind the scenes, with an inner strength and gentleness that shows you are beautiful inside and out. Your blog touched my heart deeply, in your love for your daughter-in-law to the pain you are going through with your son's departure to Heaven. My heart goes out to all of you and you are often in my prayers.
My life has felt like a cyclone due to many circumstances that have drastically changed my whole world and turned it upside down, at times I am in the center of the cyclone with the Lord and it is amazing in His presence and I am in awe of Him...I long for His return. Other times I drift out of that peaceful safe place and the pain of so many things in this life is very difficult to bare. Although I can't imagine your pain, I do hurt for you and pray that the Lord places you in the shelter of His mighty presence and continues to give you peace and comfort in your storm. Please keep writing.
Praying His Grace and Peace over you.
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kelly | August 6, 2009
Thank you Cathe for sharing the deepest part of your heart with us girls. You are truly a Proverbs 31 woman and I'm so thankful for you and for your willingness to share Christ's love with me through your words. I pray that when I become a mother-in-law to one of my three boys future wives, I can share Christ's love with them as you have with your beautiful daughter. ( in law ) :)
May God Bless You richly as you continue to trust Him in and through your pain and grief. The joy and strength that you have shines as beauty through your eyes!! No one can deny that it is Jesus Christ carrying you!!
Thank you for writing!
Love,
Kelly
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Lesley | August 6, 2009
Your words have encouraged me in more ways than I can even mention. Thank you for sharing your heart and touching my life.
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Martha | August 7, 2009
Thank you, I happen to read this, in what feels like MY darkest hour at this moment..
michelle | August 12, 2009
I was touched by your pain. God is always there wanting to comfort you. A couple of verses that have helped me in low points:
Deuteronomy 31:8 "The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." In Isaiah 57:18-19 the Lord says; "I have seen his ways, but I will heal him; I will guide him and restore comfort to him, creating praise on the lips of the mourners.... Peace, peace, to those far and near," says the LORD. "And I will heal them."
You can honestly cry out to the Lord, no matter what. Speak the truth in your pain, even if you feel angry. The Lord is big enough to carry it all for you.
God Bless.
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Heather | August 8, 2009
Cathe, I just wanted you to know that the moment I found out about Christopher, I have been praying for your family, it's become a daily thing now, the strength that god has giving you is truly amazing, thank you for sharing the truth with us and encouraging me to put the word of God on my heart. Love your sister in Christ Heather
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myrna | August 9, 2009
Thank you for sharing the mighty love of God, how His spirit, His Word comforts your grieving heart. I know you are being used by our Lord. I believe all things happen for a reason; in my own darkest moments when I too experienced death of my parents and my younger brother (all within a period of 1 1/2 years) it was Jesus and only Jesus that held me up and gave me the strength to endure and continue on. It was then that I felt His presence ever so near and it was then that my faith grew as the promises of God were and are such a comfort to my spirit as I continue to go through my own 'winter season' but I've learned to place it all at the alter, at the feet of Jesus, it is then I find my heart is comforted and my spirit is at rest. Besides who am I but a servant who needs share in His suffering. I am able to share with others that my Lord is real, that I serve a living God who cares for us and is there with us whenever we cry out to Him. May our Lord continue to use you and bless you my sister; may your entire family be surround by our Lords comforting arms, may your heart carry the wonderful memories of your son but also smile with the promise that you will see him again in heaven... heaven is where there will be joy forevermore... to God be the glory.
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Marie | August 9, 2009
Your study this summer has been such a blessing to me all the way here in Maryland! It has really encouraged me to be all that God wants me to be and more and to be totally dependent on Him and His will for me for the good times and the bad. God bless you and your family.
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Tracy from the UK | August 14, 2009
THANK YOU For the new Virtue Site. It's like having my own women's bible study in my home....As it's not always easy getting to my own with 4 kids!!!
Will you be doing a regular slot on 'New beginning Radio'? I think you should your voice is so soothing to the heart !!!
( heard you on the Virtue Summer series )
Thank you and God bless xx
Tracy
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Laura | August 18, 2009
Dear Cathe,
Your strength and commitment to God through this difficult tragedy has been an inspiration to me as I have been walking beside my best friend in the loss of her son a few months ago. I have been praying for her and in some ways, wanting to make it all better...... I want God to take the pain away NOW! Well, God has been dealing with me.....He has revealed to me that I cannot "play Holy Spirit"......that I cannot make it all better....He ALONE is God.....He is a Sovereign God....I need to keep praying for her.....I need to live my life in obedience to God in front of her and trust Him and Him alone to work in her life...to help her and to sustain her. As much as I pray for God to minister to her, I pray for God to give me the wisdom to be a godly friend before her. I hope this will help you to know that you have friends from far and near who pray for you and Pastor Greg, Brittany, Stella and Lucy. Thank for being a witness of the strength that comes from God alone. My prayers are with you each day.
In Christ,
Laura
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