Vulnerable Love
C.S. Lewis once observed, “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark, motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”
I have found it fascinating and somewhat ironic that in some European countries the government is offering financial incentives for couples to have children. Because the birthrate has fallen so low, the population is not replacing itself, which could lead to an economic crash, among other serious social concerns.
The question begs to be asked, why are couples choosing to not have children? Some say it is because women decide to postpone childbearing to pursue higher education and a career. Others say it is selfishness; the demands children make on finances, time, and energy are “too great” and the benefits or advantages children may bring to their lives “too little.” No doubt, this crisis has arisen because western countries, decades ago, rejected or simply forgot the promises of God concerning the blessing of having children.
Through our children, Greg and I have had the opportunity to see God’s faithfulness in ways that were (though at times painful) oh so very rich with blessing! I won’t deny that sometimes our hearts broke for our children: the high fever that turned into a frightening 10 days in the hospital with viral pneumonia; the unexpected trip to the hospital for stitches on Christopher’s perfect face after a floor length mirror broke, slashing his cheek and nose; the first time Jonathan encountered serious bullying at school; and that unexpected phone call every parent dreads.
How easy it would have been to not have children, not experience the sleepless nights. But then, neither would we have known the great joy of seeing them give their lives to Christ, marry their beautiful brides, have children of their own, or—best of all joys—see them discover the joy of being used by God.
Parenting is challenging; that is no surprise. It always and in every era has been! There are “many dangers, toils, and snares.” The demands require a lifetime of sacrifice in big and small ways. We haven’t lived sinless lives, any more than our children, but we can by God’s grace depend on His strength and patience to see us through.
God asks us parents to be faithful to tend His flock (yes, they are His), and to lovingly tell our children about His great love, revealed in Christ—to tell them about the great rescue plan which was carried out 2000 years ago when Jesus came for mommies and daddies and children, who are fallen and hopeless and yet loved beyond their wildest dreams.
If you are a mother, will you thank God that He has entrusted you with loving a child, and pray that you remain faithful to His call on your life as parent? Will you pray and seek His strength to raise children for His glory? I guarantee, if you are blessed with children, you have the opportunity to understand—in ways you never have—our Heavenly Father’s plan of redeeming love for His children.
44 comments
Kristen | March 24, 2011
Thank you...
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Alysa | March 24, 2011
So good Cathe! I needed to read this right now, and I'm so glad that you wrote this. Totally speaks to me this morning. Thank you! :)
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Jessica | March 24, 2011
Good afternoon,
WOW, this one caught my attention today while at work. I read many different notes each week, but yours made me actually stop and listen. I guess I needed to listen today. Thank you!
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Paola | March 24, 2011
Hola Cathe,
I love this letter. It's true, I know women that prefer not to have children because they don't want to get fat or are afraid of not being able to enjoy their life. I have 4 daughters and even though it's overwhelming sometimes, the joy they bring, it's an everyday blessing. Thank you for this letter. I'm going to translate it to Spanish and share it with my church. May God keep blessing you, your family and your beautiful ministry.
With love Paola S.
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Dianna | March 24, 2011
In my children I see that I am blessed being their mother! They are entering the 'post-teens' and I am starting to see the fruit of my motherhood oozing from them! Thank you for your beautifully written post today.
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Margie | March 24, 2011
WOW! I have two children and I thank God for them everyday. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
Sandie | March 30, 2011
Thank you Cathe !! It is always a blessing to receive your Virtue for Women via Email !! I am Justine King's maternal aunt !! I look forward to meeting you at the women's seminar in Costa Mesa at the end of April!! Because of His love and grace for me, I call you sister, in Him!! Love Sandie R
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Myrna | March 24, 2011
You bring tears to my eyes and your wisdom touches my spirit. Being a single parent to an only son has been one of the biggest challenges of my life. I also realize that nothing touches us without the hand of God allowing it and ultimately the Holy Spirit leads and guides and there is a purpose for it all. God is not through with us yet and so we continue to learn and grow and let go and let God.
God bless you Cathe.
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Michelle | March 24, 2011
Thanks for the post! :-)
My oldest son is 18. When he was about 3, I met a missionary who helped me learn to be a mom. (My mom passed away years before.) One of the things she taught me was that God didn't just randomly place my children with me. God had a plan, and my two boys were entrusted to me by God himself, because he knew I would be the best mom for THEM. With that came the responsibility of teaching them to be godly young men. She taught me to pray for their future wives, even while they were still babies.
I have used some version of her teaching to share with struggling families, to encourage young mothers, to assure them that God didn't make a mistake. God chose you, (whoever I'm talking to) to be a mom or dad. God chose your child for you, because he knew you would be the best mom or dad for him/her.
I am constantly amazed that God blessed me with two fine young men. They teach me, challenge me, fill me, and I can only hope that I have given them as much. I can't imagine my life without children now. Yes, the sleepless nights, and the challenging teenage years are a part of it, but to me, it's a small part compared to the everyday joys of being their mom and watching them discover who they are and what God's will is for their lives. It truly is amazing!
Yvette | March 25, 2011
You touched my heart, brought tears to my eyes and encouraged me with your words. To hear that He sees that I have what it takes to raise my four kids and He trusts me is AMAZING... Thank you sooooo much for the reminder. God Bless you & keep encouraging others!!
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Carrie | March 24, 2011
Hi Cathe,
Thank you for your service at Virtue. I am loving it and getting touched so deeply by the Lord through it. After Greg spoke recently, you followed up with talking to us and having us close our eyes. The Lord touched me so much the tears were streaming down my face. I connected to Him again after many months of depression. Thank you again.
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Karin | March 24, 2011
Confirming words of truth that speak directly to the heart. Thank you.
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Patti | March 24, 2011
Although my daughter and I are estranged, she is a Christian and I am blessed in knowing her future forever. My son came back to the Lord about six weeks ago. The very church he disliked growing up, he has chosen to bring his family. There is no blessing as great as seeing the Lord's hand in the lives of your children. God's Word does not return void of His promises. Thank you Lord!
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Rosie | March 24, 2011
Cathe, Your words are beautiful. As a mother of one daughter, having miscarried a son when in my sixth month of pregnancy, and then again at three months of pregnancy, I thank God for the blessing of my only daughter. And now a son-in-law!
The reality of all that you said continues on into "grammahood". We never leave our children as quickly as they leave us. We always want to hold onto those dear hugs and kisses even if they no longer want them...or feel they need them. The same goes for our grandchildren. When they no longer want to be kissed in public..."not cool" or may get my cooties. But now, at age 35, my daughter and her husband still like when I give them a kiss or hug before the grandchildren. In fact they hurry over so they get kissed first. They now know how wonderful it is to have received these kisses and hugs. My grandsons are only 1, 4 and 6 and I pray I will have a few more years to share my "cooties" with them. The middle child is autistic, and the challenges are greater ... but he still gets the same "lovin"... and then some.
Grandkids give great kisses and pleasure beyond one can imagine. Generational kisses are a part of God's plan and I thank God He has a plan that surpasses our understanding. We are to be grateful, and praise Him for His loving ways...through our kids and grandkids kisses and hugs Jesus is seen and felt.
Thank you for your blog today, Cathe. I have been thinking about my upcoming visit to CA to see them in April. The trip from SC to northern CA is long, but always worth every minute on the airplane.
Blessings and prayers.
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Yesenia | March 24, 2011
Awesome section God had for me this morning. I had a miscarriage this weekend and I’m still healing. We have been waiting for four years, and after two miscarriages what can we do? This weekend I experienced mercy and pain. What a contrast right? The doctor that God used in the ER tried to do everything that was in his hands to stop this. He really showed that he cared and in his face I noticed a desperate look. Again, what can we do when God has determined to end a life? Reading this section just brings me to my knees and just makes me appreciate what God has given me so far. I have a 9 year old who is our miracle baby, what more can I ask for right? I know God will do the healing part and once again my life is totally surrendered to the Lord, but heartbroken that the other does not see the blessing it is to be a mom. To have that child in your arms for the first time and know God has seen the beginning in the forming of that child. Just incredible. May the Lord give strength to all the women who are going through a miscarriage? "Thank You Lord for the blessing, to be called, Mommy" Blessings
Ellen | March 25, 2011
Yesenia,
I read your post this morning. First, I am so sorry to hear about your misscarriage(s). Secondly, let me tell you I understand. I had 4 miscarriages before having my first child, then one in between my first and second child. My husband and I had all the tests then know to medical science, and they could find nothing wrong. They told me I had a 50/50 chance of ever having a child. After the 4th miscarriage I truly didn't think I could go through the disappointment of trying and miscarrying again, so we started adoption proceedings. In the midst of that, while praying to God to let us somehow have a child, even if it was through adoption, I became pregnant again. That was my first miracle baby. I ended up miscarrying again after she was born (with a subsequent pregnancy), but then went on to have 2 more miracle babies! So, my message to you is, keep praying. Medical science can only do so much. Prayer is the powerful force!!! Keep praying. I tell you my story to try to comfort you. When I was going through my miscarriage(s), nothing anyone said could comfort me. Nothing could fill the sudden void I felt, the heart-wrenching disappointment over my loss. Not even my husband. People try to say things to comfort you; but I truly believe only someone who has gone through it herself can really understand the empty feeling, the pain, the disappointment. So I want you to know I understand, and I am going to pray for you. And you keep praying also. Don't give up on God. He will never leave you nor forsake you. God bless you, and best of luck to you. Should you want to contact me directly to share your feelings, please feel free to. Sometimes it helps the most to communicate with someone who has been there before.
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Gabriela | March 24, 2011
Perfect Timing! I felt un-appreciated by my two kids and I sort of disconnected myself emotionally from being a mom for 3 days now. I will hug them and love with all my heart, I really needed this today. Thank-you!
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Joelle | March 24, 2011
SO NEEDED THIS TODAY!!! I am a single mom and have a 13 year old son. He is struggling a lot right now with anger and frustration that his dad isn't around. I needed this encouragement, because I'm simply at a loss as to what to do. It's so hard parenting on your own, because you don't have someone to share the burden with. You can share with friends and family, but they have their own issues and families. It's just a real struggle. So thank you for sharing this today. God sent another perfectly timed blessing my way :)
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Rosie | March 24, 2011
Wonderfully written and so very true. Thank you for sending this reminder. God bless you and your loved ones!
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Isabell | March 24, 2011
Hello,
I always knew children were God a gift from God. Sadly I haven’t been so fortunate of being a Biological Mother yet… But The Lord has blessed me with being a Step-Mother for over 7 yrs of three kids. Well they are not so little anymore. My oldest is turning 20. There is my son who is 18 and my little Daniel only 12. Although it wasn’t easy to raise them and play such a huge role because they become what you make of them. God gave me the strength and wisdom I needed when it. What seemed so complicated, is now so easy and even though they don’t call me Mom I know I have their respect, love and trust and someday my reward would come.
Thank you, Cathe for such a beautiful story and God bless.
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Jacqueline | March 24, 2011
I had a horribly abusive marriage and couldn't have children. God blessed my life with being a docent for a nature center where I take children on hikes and teach them about the beauty of God's creations. I just enjoyed an event where I did face painting for kids. God has been so good to me by enriching my life with children by other means.
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Lyndanette | March 24, 2011
I had my oldest daughter at 20 and my second at 22. I spent most of my time continuing my education and working. I always told people I had more peace at work than at home and that I could never be a stay at home mom because my kids would drive me insane!!! Since I gave my life to Jesus, I don't feel like that anymore. I have a new heart and this new heart God has given me let's me enjoy my kids and have fun with them. I even have been praying about becoming a stay at home mom:) God is good!
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Julie | March 24, 2011
Cathe,
Thank you for reminding me of the mission field in my own home. Motherhood can be overwhelming and draining in so many ways, but through Christ's sacrifice, the Holy Spirit fills me with a strength I cannot produce on my own. When I put my eyes on the Lord I can experience love, joy, peace, and the ever elusive patience so that I can "tend His flock" in love and gentleness.
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Roanne | March 24, 2011
With tears in my eyes, I humbly say...Thank You, Thank You, Thank You.
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Vicky | March 24, 2011
Cathe, This was a very sweet thing to read and all the responses are heartwarming. The photo of your granddaughters - they are adorable. We are expecting a second grandchild in just a few weeks. I can't wait to find out what personality style God has given him. It's so fun to cook for my son in law and watch the look on his face when the lasagna comes out of the oven. It seems like the world stops turning when that buzzer sounds. Then when the pan comes out of the oven everyone stands over it amazed. I cook all fresh meals from scratch - he was raised on fast food. Needless to say, he is so glad when I show up. I'm so thankful to God that my son in law says I can come visit any time. I suppose it pays to have cooking skills. :) I wish I would have had a lot more children so I would have a lot more people to cook for now.
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Angela | March 24, 2011
Hi Cathe,
I will never have any children of my own but I find great joy in my little nephew, who is two and a half. I love spending time with him and seeing him grow and experience the life God has given to him. No words can express the love he gives to me and I to him. He is truly a blessing.
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Heather | March 24, 2011
This note was awesome, very inspiring. I'm 31 and have no children, I'm actually broken hearted. All the excuses of not wanting children have ran through my head many times, because my husband does not want them. To have the grief of being rejected from child barren is devastating. Sometimes these thoughts comfort me, then other times I'm brought to my knees before the Lord asking Him to open my womb. This mask of "excuses" is sometimes what women hide behind to bare the grief. The Lord is good though and I am trusting in Him. Please pray for women like me.
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Samantha | March 24, 2011
Truly a blessed note. I have recently married at 45 and along with that came 2 teenage daughters. They are going thru so much right now. I just pray that God will give me strength and knowledge..I have 2 daughters of my own. One is 21 and the other 27. I have been truly blessed, but I can relate to what Lyndanette had said earlier..there were many tough times.and with God's graces I was able to get thru them...
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Lupe | March 24, 2011
Pray for my older son who is married to a girl in Wicca and an older daughter who is involved in marijuana. My youngest daughter is in her first year as a college student and is a Christian.
My husband has not held a job for years and does not provide assistance for me. I need prayer for peace and change in my life.
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Verna | March 24, 2011
I had a son who went to be with God at age 9. I was blessed with a daughter who will be 16 this year. I cannot thank God enough for both of my children and the love I have for them. I am a better person thru them for God.. God bless to all parents..
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Leah | March 24, 2011
Thank you Cathe for sharing this.....children are a blessing from the Lord.....He knows why He gives them to us. I have come to see that I can't do it without God's help to raise my little one....I need more patience and love and strength that only can come from the Lord. Apart from Him we can do nothing...The fruits of the Spirit is the key...I pray for it always......God Bless you and your beautiful family :)
Vicki | March 25, 2011
Hello Cathe, Thank you for the words you speak and write. As the mom of four, three girls and a boy, and the grandmother of eight, I see so much of God in my life. I have been blessed. I have had many struggles, with being a single mom, having a teenage daughter giving birth to twins, it just goes on, but my Lord has gone the course with me through it all. As I look back now, I wipe my brow and say, well, what a ride, what is next?! Thank you for your strength. The beauty of Jesus shines through. I pray for your continued strength. You bless so many. God bless. Vicki
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Carline | March 25, 2011
Hello Cathe,
This is the first time I am reading your notes and this one especially is very good. My husband and I got married 3 years ago in April and God blessed us with a son the day before our anniversary in 2009. He is God's gift to me because God knew what was waiting for us in later days. My husband got sick in January 2010 and is still recoving now. Many times I wanted to give up, but our son kept me going. God designed every aspect of him to strengthen me in times of great need.
I thank God every day for him and for giving me such a wonderful little boy. I know He has more in store for me, but we are trying to get over our current situation. For all the moters out there, be grateful for your children. They are indeed a blessing from God. They were given to us, not to fix them, but to fix us. To make us better.
Thank you Cathe!
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Rita | March 25, 2011
Amazing! Thank you Cathe.
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Dyanne | March 25, 2011
I am enriched by your words of wisdom. See, I haven't waited long enough to see them come into service to the Lord. They know they are saved, but they have not seen their calling yet! You have reached a point I have not yet come to yet. Thank you for that hope that these watchers watching can and will come to their life serving point and realize the Creator of everything is waiting for them to get unbusy and acknowlege Him who is standing at their side.
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Marcie | March 25, 2011
Thank you for the article today; I wasn't able to have children but I had the best most precious Mother anyone could ever ask for. She was devoted, loved unconditionally and so genuine and real in her person. I am so thankful to our Heavenly Father that I was blessed with a Proverbs 31 Mother. I am also thankful I will be able to see her again one day (some times I can hardly wait) but I must honor her memory and remain open and willing to do whatever God wants me to do in the meantime.
God richly bless you Cathe
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Mark | March 25, 2011
Thank you for this-I am a single man that has not had a child and have watched a single mother raise three children at home-have four to raise while working from 6am-11pm six days a week. She is stronger than any man I have ever met and continues to work against all odds. Only a "mom" could do this and her strength and love of the Lord at times humbles me beyond belief. I have had success in my life and watching her work (did I say she is getting her PhD in Counseling Psychology as well) does not compare to what I have witnessed. Thank you for this-a mother is key to everything for the child and having a great one and watching "K" make it happen everyday is something that is a blessing.
God Bless
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Billie | March 25, 2011
I agree with you about the fact that having children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren raised knowing Jesus and God is comforting. Watching them mature in their faith is really a bessing to parents, grandparents and great-grandparents. God our Father is really awesome. I thank Him for giving us such a wonderful and loving family.
May God Bless you and you family
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Helen | March 26, 2011
I love my children. I have 6. I became a Christian 5 years ago. My children are not saved. All I do is pray for them. Each one has their own problems. Their ages are 28, 26, 21, 20, 18, and 17. Anytime I mention the Lord in any way I get faces, or how can you believe that or they laugh at me. They were not brought up not knowing God, just not the right and only ONE. My prayers for whatever each of their problems are seem to never be answered. I keep praying, most for their salvation. God Bless you and the family.
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Christy | March 26, 2011
I have never enjoyed being a mother and a single mother at that. I was a teenage mother and now I am 30 years old and my son 13. We both gave ourselves to the Lord and it's been such a blessing serving Him together witnessing. I want to thank the Lord for my son. I have been waiting patiently as I want more kids, but GOD has not brought that Godly man into my life that will be my husband and the father of my kids.
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Tami | March 27, 2011
Thank you Cathe. I needed a reminder that loving someone makes us vulnerable to being hurt. I really liked the beginning quote you used. Love IS risky, but it is worth the risk. Better to love and hurt, than to not love at all. Thank you for all that you do for us women in the church, and for being sensitive to our struggles. You and your beautiful family are such an inspiration to me. May God RICHLY bless you.
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Julia | March 28, 2011
Thank you Cathe and God bless!!! Thank you for your Godly words of wisdom. God is soooo good! He has blessed my husband and I with two loving children, our precious jewels that we're trying our best in God's strength to raise up in the Lord. Father has brought us through many trials the past few years. It was a trying time when we found out our son had ADHD and Autism, then my husband of ten years walked out on us and divorced me. God carried us through these times. We kept our Faith in God and kept believing he would repent and come back to the Lord and us. Two years later he did, and now my husband and I celebrated our second wedding anniversary in the Lord!!! What God has done for us!!! Our daughter came down ill with seizures six months after our wedding and slowly, but surely she's recovering. My children and I did have my heart broken, but God made beauty out of ashes. I have learned a great lesson on what love and forgiveness truly mean and now these three remain, Faith, Hope and Love, but the greatest of these is Love. God bless you all!!! :)
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Cheryl | March 28, 2011
Thank you Cathe for these inspiring words of spiritual wisdom. I too have lost a son (24yr old) in a car accident, but God has so lovingly wrapped His arms around us during this time and in addition has blessed us with a new grand son. We do serve a loving, soveriegn God who gives us these precious babies for a time. What will we do with this short time He has given us with our children? Share, love, and embrace every moment. Because we did, my son is feasting at the table with his Heavenly Father and we will all be united one day. What a Glorious Day it will be!! The love of Christ, what a great legacy to leave for our children.
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Paola | March 29, 2011
What a beautiful entry.
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Kareen | April 8, 2011
Thank you! This is so ironic. It's my first time on your page. My husband has been getting daily devotions with your husband for the past week and I have been peeking and love it. My pastor's wife just told me about Harvest site/Virtue which coincidently is you! My husband and I were lying in bed this morning before the alarm went off and were thanking God for our two beautiful children, which were miracles themselves. Eight year old twins, boy and girl, who were conceived through IVF after having three tubal pregnancies and one miscarriage. Born in time for their dying granny to see and nurture for their first four years of life. God had such a perfect plan for us. I was such the career girl who had no clue about kids or God until he introduced me to my husband at 37 years old. I was on the wrong road going in the wrong direction. Needless to say, since then, I know and love the Lord and He has blessed us incredibly. I never look back to my 6 figure career and wish I'd done it differently.
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Theodosia | April 11, 2011
Hi, Greetings in the name of our LORD N SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST!!!! I just want to Thank Father GOD for blessing and letting me be fruitful with my four children. They gave their heart n lives to JESUS CHRIST before I got saved. They prayed for me and now I've been saved for twelve years and married again. I see the goodness of Jesus manifest in our lives daily and unsaved family members coming into our royal family n CHRIST JESUS, and Father GOD is using them for His Glory!!! GOD BLESS AND HAVE A PROSPEROUS LIFE IN CHRIST JESUS!!!! WITH LOVE YOUR SISTER IN JESUS!!!!
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Brenda | April 20, 2011
Thanks for making me cry. :0) Thank you for the wonderful words and the prayer.
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Emelyn | July 20, 2011
Oh WOW! This really brought tears to my eyes. It is such a touching article. It really speaks to me in a deeper way. Thank you for writing this. May God continue to bless you and your family.
In Christ, Emelyn
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