What Are Friends For?
Sister, let me be your servant . . .
“A friend loves at all times.” —Proverbs 17:17
She’d lost her son too.
I’ll never know why Jean made it a point to find me. Married to the famous Leighton Ford, and sister of Billy Graham, she came and introduced herself in the hallway of the historic Greenbrier Hotel.
Both of us had come to Virginia with our husbands to celebrate her brother’s 90th birthday. As she looked at me with soft blue eyes that sparkled with kind interest, I could tell she’d suffered too. She knew what it was to weep and hurt for a dead son. I felt that instant connection as another mother who has faced the loss of a beloved son. It is a bond few can share in.
So we sat across the table from each other as we sipped cup after cup of steaming coffee. Though just newly acquainted, we had that awful experience in common, and that was the unseen bond between our two hearts.
“I’m so sorry,” she said tenderly throughout our conversation. Actually, I did most of the talking while she just listened attentively. Sometimes, that is the greatest gift one can give to a grieving person. She provided that safe place for me, one that I didn’t seek out, but was so thankful for.
In the elegant room, filled with all the “who’s who” of the evangelical world, she listened as I cried—I often do when I speak of Christopher. I heard her say, “It is so fresh.” She could look back and remember the long road of grief that she and Leighton had traveled.
No, she didn’t give me three points on how I might get through grief. She was, quite simply, a loving and attentive friend. This song I heard long ago reminds me of my afternoon with Jean:
Sister, let me be your servant
Let me be as Christ to you
Pray that I may have the grace to let you be my servant too.
We are pilgrims on a journey
We are travelers on the road
We are here to help each other
Walk the mile and bear the load.
I will hold the Christ-light for you
In the nighttime of your fear
I will hold my hand out to you
Speak the peace you long to hear
I will weep when you are weeping
When you laugh, I’ll laugh with you
I will share your joy and sorrow
Till we’ve seen this journey through.
When we sing to God in heaven
We shall find such harmony
Born of all we’ve known together
Of Christ’s love and agony.
—From “The Servant Song” by Richard Gillard
8 comments
DeeDee Lahodny | October 27, 2009
Cathe,
I am so sorry for your loss. I have prayed for your family often.
I wanted to share with you that I have been so blessed by this website....the summer study, and the current study in John. I have listened to Greg for years and have been blessed by his ministry.
It is so wonderful hearing the voice of women and the lovely things you all share on this site just fills my heart. I am growing in new and exciting ways in Christ!!
You are, by example, teaching the true strength, beauty, and wisdom of being a woman of God. I thank you for all you are doing and I continue to pray for your family.
God bless each of you!!
xo
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Lori | October 28, 2009
There is nothing quite like having a friend who has suffered the same thing as you. Jean, as you said, did the best thing she could've done by just listening. She didn't give meaningless platitudes, or as you said, three steps to work out your grief, but she gave you her time and attention, and compassion. You, Greg and Brittany are in my prayers.
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Stephanie Chapin | October 31, 2009
Cathe,
Wow - what a beautiful and fitting song!!!
Thank you for sharing this moment with us! Thank you for being so transparent and the "Christ-light" to so many women! From my heart ~ Stephanie
PS: I have this picture of the girls on my FaceBook.... I cried the first time I saw it on Chip Lusko's site. It is certainly "print worthy". See you soon!
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Noelia | November 1, 2009
God Bless you Cathe!
I just want to say we Love you all so much even though we do not know you personally. I also wept, because when one member of the family hurts we all hurt.
Harvest has been a great blessing for me.
Thank God for you all!!♥
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Janet | November 3, 2009
Dear Cathe: When your son Christopher died my son Scott was almost gone a year. He was coming home from his job at In-n-Out near the 405 and Westminster Blvd. He left to go up Westminster Blvd. to catch 405 south and instead of that another car driver decided to try to beat Scott across Westminster Blvd. to go north bound but hit Scott who was on his street bike. Scott spent six weeks and one day in Long Beach Memorial Hospital, died August 22, 2007 and was to get married October 22, 2007. It's been two years now and it still is fresh in my heart. I miss him every day. What is even harder is my two daughters and I seemed to have drifted apart. Friends have said it's their age of independence, yet in this difficult time of loss it would be great to have their love and support. And Scott's Dad and I have been separated since 1995, but when Scott graduated from high school I moved back but could not afford my own place so we live under the same roof which made Scott's death even harder as he would only stay 20 min. then go home. Then the day Scott died he would not even come to the hospital. I am grateful for being able to attend Greg's Thursday night studies as I live in Fountain Valley, and where your Church is that's to far for me to go, as I'm unemployed right now. I know how hard this is to lose a son, Scott was my only son. And every day I hold on to Jesus coat tales, sometimes minute by minute, hour by hour. God is my strength, my strong tower, and in time God will bring me through. Thanks so much for who you and Greg are, it means a lot to me. I have read Greg's new book, and have been blessed.
God Bless you both Always,
Janet
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Valerie/Pennsylvania | November 14, 2009
Cathe, what an amazing note. Wow!
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Cosima Ybarra | December 16, 2009
Dearest Cathe,
I appreciate your note so very much. The song is beautiful. I cannot begin to understand the pain of losing a dear son. There are no words. As a pastor's wife, I do know the special place we inhabit, often as if standing alone in our trials even among the precious flocks that love us. What an awesome thing it is when the Lord brings us those little moments when we know he has sent us someone from His loving hand to stand with us and bear our deepest burdens, lightening the load even just a little. Yes, in those times we are assured He is the God who sees!
Much love and prayers for you and Greg always,
Cosima
CC Perris Valley, Ca
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sheri | March 12, 2010
Dearest Cathe, you are truly a gifted writer. Thank you so much for sharing such a tender and beautiful moment.
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